S.O.S.

I need help.

This semester is killing me.  I have so much work, I have to go to my job, all of my classes are demanding to begin with and then I have five of them.  I have no time for the things I love - yoga, bellydance, my boyfriend.  I'm always exhausted, always worried about due dates and deadlines, always stressing about bills and money.  I can't relax.  I don't sleep well as it is, and this stress is making my problems worse.  I don't know how to do this and be a healthy person at the same time.  I feel that deadline of Christmas Eve, the date by which I should have lost fifty pounds, looming over my head and it feels more ominous every time I weigh in and find I've gained weight instead of lost it.  I can't get a handle on my eating.  I keep making horrible food choices because I find myself not caring.  I eat when I'm not hungry.  I say out loud "I'm hungry, I'm gonna go grab a donut" at work to make my coworkers think I'm hungry and not just a fatass (as if I'm fooling anybody...look at me).  I feel myself failing, like I have every other time I've tried to lose weight.  I feel like a failure, and I know I'm only failing myself in the long run but that thought is never in my mind when the donut/cookie/slice of pizza is in my mouth.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know what needs to give to make this all work.  I'm afraid all the people around me see is me doing what I always do - failing at losing weight, never finishing anything I start, rationalizing every mistake away.  I feel like I'm in over my head, but at the same time feel like I should be able to handle this . Like I should be able to do everything all at once. 

I know I'm hyper-independent, and to a fault.  But now I need your advice.  How do you make yourself stick to your plan?  It seems like I just can't control myself at all.  I don't know what to do.

S.O.S.