I would like you all to know that I am finally beginning to fulfill the goal I set when I started this blog almost a year ago. I wanted to lose fifty pounds in a year, but I didn't - I lost, I gained, I lost, I gained, and I gained some more. I'm realizing now that I had the wrong goal. Although I jabbered on alot in some early posts about my health being the reason I wanted to lose weight, I'm not sure that it ever really was. Really, I just wanted to be thin. When I thought about how I would have changed after achieving my "goal", all I saw was a skinnier version of myself. In my visions for the future, I didn't focus on how the inside of that skinny body might be healthier, how the mind attached to that body might be happier and less troubled. I just thought "Thin, thin, thin, I want to be thin".
Over this past year, I stumbled trying to achieve my ultimate vision of Thinness. The 15 of you who read this have probably noticed my inability to commit to any decision ("I'm gonna track all week", "I'm gonna work out five days a week", "I'm gonna focus on eating well", etc) and my general lack of focus and willpower. I never lost the weight I wanted to, even when I was on a roll. Now that I can reflect on the year, I see the reason why: it's been a bit of a rollercoaster, and not just in terms of my weight. I had a terrible, stressful, infuriating spring semester that led into a summer spending 8 hours a day bored out of my mind and surrounded by food. I moved in with my boyfriend, a huge transition from living with roommates. I began my senior year of college, began planning for the next few years of my life. I had to decide if moving back home, breaking up with said boyfriend, and separating myself from my friends was worth being able to find a job and save money for my move to the UK for grad school. I've also gone through some internal turmoil, trying to find the right path for my life to move down, trying to understand the emotional issues behind my eating problems, learning to love myself and create a new identity as a strong, balanced, and independent woman. I've spent the year trying to allow the person that I know I could be, that I know I really am, to come alive and flourish. And in the process of handling these quiet changes that perhaps nobody else observed, I've realized that weight loss really needs to generate from a different headspace than "Thin, thin, thin, I want to be thin".
I have recently recommitted myself to losing weight, but not just for the sake of being thin. For anyone who thinks this is me once again saying "I'm going to do X! I'm motivated, I'm ready!" only to just give it up a couple weeks in, let me tell you what I've learned this year. I've learned that we can only achieve significant weight loss if our goals have nothing to do with losing weight. Extra weight is a symptom of a larger problem that needs to be addressed. The process of losing our extra weight is not only a process of learning to eat less and move more, it is also a process of self-realization, self-acceptance, and self-love.
Many of us feel that our extra weight is due to causes beyond our control, but we must realize that we have the power to change our lives. Food does not have power over us. Laziness and apathy do not have power over us. There is nothing that has power over our actions more than we do. Successful weight loss begins when we embrace how powerful we can be and make honest, concentrated efforts to change ourselves (however, this means we must also embrace the fact that when we fail to achieve our goals, there is nobody else to blame but ourselves). Successful weight loss also begins when we realize the true impact of our extra weight on our health. A week ago I started eating healthfully when I realized that the way I had been eating was slowly killing me. Every extra pound I packed on due to cookies, ice cream, and bagels with extra cream cheese was compromising my health. Something in my head clicked when I saw that my eating habits (something that I have the power to change) would prevent me from experiencing the long, rich, and healthy life I want to lead.
Jack's handy Buddhist motto of "Be mindful and don't suffer" has been resonating in my head for the past couple of weeks. Why would we choose to eat in a harmful manner when it limits the scope of our lives? Why would we willingly suffer? Maybe because we haven't yet figured what it is about our lives that is worth changing the way we eat and exercise (and if you still haven't figured out the answer, it's "everything"). Maybe because we haven't yet realized how much we're suffering from eating poorly and not exercising. If you're having trouble losing weight, I really urge you to think about the impact that extra weight has upon your life, and the ways in which it is limiting the only 100 years you get. Just as you would do whatever's best for somebody you love, you need to love yourself and do what's best for you. Be mindful and don't suffer.
Okay, well. Now that that's all out of my system, let me break down the ways in which I'm loving myself and asserting power over my life. Let's start with food.
Here's what I should be eating per day, according to Mayo Clinic:
Also, see where at the bottom in orange it says "Print your complete pyramid plan, including a full serving size list"? You should really fill out this pyramid and check out that food serving list. I have it saved to my computer for easy reference, and I've found it to be incredibly helpful with making sure that I'm eating proper portions so that I can accurately record my servings. You should definitely poke around Mayo Clinic's website, they have great resources for people trying to be more fit and healthy.
Now, this is how I'm exercising. My pyramid says I should aim for 30-60 minutes of moderate activity daily, so I created an exercise schedule that outlines activity for every day of the week (you might have to click on it to open it in a new window to see all of it).
This schedule is adapted for my class schedule this semester. Once this semester ends in two weeks, I'll have to redo it for next semester but it'll contain the same amount of stuff: 3 days cardio, 3 days yoga, 2 days strength training, unless I have room to add in more cardio.
I've stuck to this schedule this whole past week and I love it - I actually want to do the cardio whereas earlier this year I dreaded it, the strength training makes me feel awesome, and the yoga rounds it all out for a balanced week. I'm still dancing for a couple hours a week on top of this, so I'm working toward becoming a very active woman.
I have to say that eating according to my pyramid and following my exercise schedule has made a huge difference in my energy levels, in my happiness, in my comfort with my body, in my confidence, in my skin, in virtually every area of my life. And to make it even better, I lost three pounds for a current weight of 210. : ) I figured out that if I lose slightly less than two pounds per week, not counting breaks from school, that I'll lose fifty pounds by graduation. Not only can I imagine how awesome I'll look fifty pounds lighter, but it would put me in a great place to begin the next phase of my life. It's my less important goal, though, and I won't be upset if I don't achieve it. What is really my goal is following my pyramid and my exercise schedule and trying to coax out the healthy person inside me.
Once the new year rolls in, I'm probably going to revamp my blog, if not get a new one entirely. Now that I've found my focus and my stride, I really want to contribute to this wonderful community however I can. I'll use my new blog to help keep me in power over my decisions, but I also want to share any information I can find on being healthy and fit with the rest of you. Until then, look forward to me checking in with my pyramid and my exercise next week. I really can't wait to see where this takes me. : )
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