Hey followers!
I know I said that I was done with this blog, and it's true. I'm moving on, but I still want to search out a new, healthy life for myself. I love blogging. I know I said I didn't need the support, but that was me lying to myself. I do need the support - I need all the support I can get, haha. I hope you come follow me on my new blog as I discover my life as a strong, healthy, happy woman. It's sure to be an interesting journey. : )
The Act of Discovery
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
That's all, folks.
Hey friends. I am indeed alive - into my second week of my last semester of college and looking toward the future. I've got too many decisions to make in the coming months, and it looks like one is gonna have to be about this blog.
I've gone back and forth about keeping it up or saying goodbye. Although all last year I tried to keep up with posting, I still had trouble losing weight (and lots of it). I'm not sure that it helped me work toward my goals - on some level, I often find myself comparing my progress (or lack thereof) to many of the women and men whose blogs I read and I'm coming to understand how unhealthy that is. Although I still love to read your stories, I'm not sure I really have anything interesting for you to read. In addition, I don't necessarily need this outlet of support anymore. I've told many people in my life that I'm trying to become a healthier person, everyone from my family to close professors and class acquaintances. I've also learned that the only person who really cares whether or not I lose weight is me. Shocker, I know. Of course this also means that I'm the only one who gives a shit about whether I work out or not. I think on some level I understood this before, but now I really get it. I have to do the work. I have to make myself go when I don't want to. They're my bad habits to change.
Right now, I'm working on getting it back together after the holidays and a four-day binge fest of a weekend. And I know that I will be a healthier person soon - I may not be losing pounds the way I expected, but since I've been lifting weights I'm twice as strong as I used to be and that feeling is something I refuse to let go of. I know I am truly a fit person who loves to be active - I've just been shackled by fat for a long time. But the part of my life where I suffered so much is over and I've got a bright shiny future to experience. I am becoming the woman I want to be, and my body will eventually fall in line.
That being said, I think I may post when I have some exciting news or awesome NSVs, but feel free to stop following me. This blog has served its purpose and it's time I moved on.
I just want to say thank you, to all of you, for every kind word of encouragement you ever said to me. You, someone I don't even really know, had the compassion to support me through an emotional and chaotic year. I wish I could fill the whole world with wonderful and beautiful people like you. Again, thank you.
Adios. : )
I've gone back and forth about keeping it up or saying goodbye. Although all last year I tried to keep up with posting, I still had trouble losing weight (and lots of it). I'm not sure that it helped me work toward my goals - on some level, I often find myself comparing my progress (or lack thereof) to many of the women and men whose blogs I read and I'm coming to understand how unhealthy that is. Although I still love to read your stories, I'm not sure I really have anything interesting for you to read. In addition, I don't necessarily need this outlet of support anymore. I've told many people in my life that I'm trying to become a healthier person, everyone from my family to close professors and class acquaintances. I've also learned that the only person who really cares whether or not I lose weight is me. Shocker, I know. Of course this also means that I'm the only one who gives a shit about whether I work out or not. I think on some level I understood this before, but now I really get it. I have to do the work. I have to make myself go when I don't want to. They're my bad habits to change.
Right now, I'm working on getting it back together after the holidays and a four-day binge fest of a weekend. And I know that I will be a healthier person soon - I may not be losing pounds the way I expected, but since I've been lifting weights I'm twice as strong as I used to be and that feeling is something I refuse to let go of. I know I am truly a fit person who loves to be active - I've just been shackled by fat for a long time. But the part of my life where I suffered so much is over and I've got a bright shiny future to experience. I am becoming the woman I want to be, and my body will eventually fall in line.
That being said, I think I may post when I have some exciting news or awesome NSVs, but feel free to stop following me. This blog has served its purpose and it's time I moved on.
I just want to say thank you, to all of you, for every kind word of encouragement you ever said to me. You, someone I don't even really know, had the compassion to support me through an emotional and chaotic year. I wish I could fill the whole world with wonderful and beautiful people like you. Again, thank you.
Adios. : )
Friday, December 10, 2010
Exciting!
Hi guys! Just a nice short post today because I have an awesome loss to report and I've had some sweet NSVs today.
So according to my scale this morning I weight 206.5! I'm really not sure how that happened in a week and a half, but I'm loving the velocity. 8.5 pounds certainly seems like a lot in 12 days, but I'm eating plenty and am not working myself to death. I'm doing very reasonable, moderate cardio, reasonable strength training, and just a bit of yoga. My MayoClinic food pyramid diet doesn't leave me hungry ever, and I still get to eat chocolate (just the right amount of it). I'm feeling strong and alert and that if I continued my life in this vein forever, I would never feel unhappy with it.
Onto my NSVs!
1. My jeans, size 15/16 from Maurice's, the only ones I could wear comfortably at 215, are now sliding right off my ass. I can put them on and take them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them, and spent a good part of my shift at work this morning hiking them up every two minutes. And I'm so very close to fitting in to jeans I wore at 200 earlier this year.
2. I ran for the bus today and didn't get winded. I was at the bus stop talking on the phone to my dad, and my bus came before a bus that it usually comes after, so I wasn't standing close enough to the street for him to stop. I needed to get on that bus, so I sprinted about a block down to the next bus stop and only needed a few seconds to catch my breath - and this was in the cold, carrying a bookbag.
3. I walked up steps to the museum that usually are nearly impossible - today, they weren't. For the past month or so I've avoided walking to the museum so that I wouldn't have to climb these stairs. They aren't particularly steep, but after walking briskly there to make it on time they were just hard as hell to do. And then I had to spend a couple minutes catching my breath before I went inside. But today, I walked all the way there and up each little flight of steps and made it inside without being winded.
Well I've finished a paper and am now officially tired and in need of sleep. Have a nice night, blogosphere. : )
EDIT: Y'know, I've been thinking. Although I'm really on a roll here, I'm going home for the holidays in a week and a half, and I know that my grandma is going to have plenty of delicious treats around for snacking on. So I've decided to commit myself to this challenge: 20 Salads in December. However, I saw it a little late, so my December is gonna be extended to January 9th. I've noticed that what I really seem to have trouble eating enough of is vegetables, and since salads are such a great way to up my veggie intake, 20 in a month should definitely help me stave off holiday weight gain by keeping me from eating too much rich food.
Well since I had two salads today, a caesar for part of lunch and a really delicious one for dinner, that leaves me with 18 to go!
So according to my scale this morning I weight 206.5! I'm really not sure how that happened in a week and a half, but I'm loving the velocity. 8.5 pounds certainly seems like a lot in 12 days, but I'm eating plenty and am not working myself to death. I'm doing very reasonable, moderate cardio, reasonable strength training, and just a bit of yoga. My MayoClinic food pyramid diet doesn't leave me hungry ever, and I still get to eat chocolate (just the right amount of it). I'm feeling strong and alert and that if I continued my life in this vein forever, I would never feel unhappy with it.
Onto my NSVs!
1. My jeans, size 15/16 from Maurice's, the only ones I could wear comfortably at 215, are now sliding right off my ass. I can put them on and take them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them, and spent a good part of my shift at work this morning hiking them up every two minutes. And I'm so very close to fitting in to jeans I wore at 200 earlier this year.
2. I ran for the bus today and didn't get winded. I was at the bus stop talking on the phone to my dad, and my bus came before a bus that it usually comes after, so I wasn't standing close enough to the street for him to stop. I needed to get on that bus, so I sprinted about a block down to the next bus stop and only needed a few seconds to catch my breath - and this was in the cold, carrying a bookbag.
3. I walked up steps to the museum that usually are nearly impossible - today, they weren't. For the past month or so I've avoided walking to the museum so that I wouldn't have to climb these stairs. They aren't particularly steep, but after walking briskly there to make it on time they were just hard as hell to do. And then I had to spend a couple minutes catching my breath before I went inside. But today, I walked all the way there and up each little flight of steps and made it inside without being winded.
Well I've finished a paper and am now officially tired and in need of sleep. Have a nice night, blogosphere. : )
EDIT: Y'know, I've been thinking. Although I'm really on a roll here, I'm going home for the holidays in a week and a half, and I know that my grandma is going to have plenty of delicious treats around for snacking on. So I've decided to commit myself to this challenge: 20 Salads in December. However, I saw it a little late, so my December is gonna be extended to January 9th. I've noticed that what I really seem to have trouble eating enough of is vegetables, and since salads are such a great way to up my veggie intake, 20 in a month should definitely help me stave off holiday weight gain by keeping me from eating too much rich food.
Well since I had two salads today, a caesar for part of lunch and a really delicious one for dinner, that leaves me with 18 to go!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
When having a netbook really comes in handy...
I have about six minutes before my Museum Studies class begins, and would like to tell you about my day.
The alarms my boyfriend sets for me went off at 6 and 6:15 this morning, although I was so exhausted from being on campus until 10:30 last night that I didn't get up until about 6:30, usually when I'm leaving the apartment to go warm up the car. I left about five minutes late, had to stop and put gas in Guido (my tempermental, no-frills Cavalier), which put me about ten minutes late for work. Tuesdays are the days I work seven hours in a row, from 7am to 2pm. Since it's about twenty degrees in Bloomington right now, that meant it was only fourty degrees at work - the cafe I work in is just inside the glass atrium of a very busy building, meaning the outside doors are constantly opening and closing, which makes it freezing. It was so cold that I had to wear my coat and gloves just to comfortably stand at the cash register. Not only was I exhausted and freezing, but people were being incredibly rude and I'm stressed over a project I've been forced to complete last minute that happens to be worth 20% of my grade in a class I really need to get an A in. So, my day is not going well. I skipped my workout yesterday because I was on campus, and when I sat down here before class I had decided that I was going to go home, take a nap, give up on eating healthfully, and then work on my project until my eyes began to bleed. And then, because I carry my netbook with me everywhere, I checked the blogs I like to read and saw this message from Jack to one of his Bodfather subjects:
"And I'll go ahead and say this right to your face: get your priorities straight! A career is important, to be sure, but don't relegate taking care of yourself down the list. Yesterday I was working on a project with an afternoon deadline that I was woefully behind on. My first impulse was to skip my noontime workout and knock the project out, but at the last minute I said "F that" and went and did my thang, trusting that I work even better under pressure (well, maybe not "better" but definitely "faster"). It all worked out in the end AND I got my workout in. I know that law can be an intense profession, but you're not gonna be in any shape to enjoy those big bucks you're pulling in unless you make some big-time changes in your life. "
Now I'm obviously not a lawyer, but I saw something for me in this post too. Even though my life is hectic this week, it's still important to be committed to my goals and my workout schedule. Those things are just as, if not more, important than my school projects.
So even though all I want to do is go home and take a nap, I'm gonna go home and change and then go workout. And then work on my project. And maybe if my project goes well, I'll take a nap anyway.
A happy Tuesday to everyone. Stay warm. : )
The alarms my boyfriend sets for me went off at 6 and 6:15 this morning, although I was so exhausted from being on campus until 10:30 last night that I didn't get up until about 6:30, usually when I'm leaving the apartment to go warm up the car. I left about five minutes late, had to stop and put gas in Guido (my tempermental, no-frills Cavalier), which put me about ten minutes late for work. Tuesdays are the days I work seven hours in a row, from 7am to 2pm. Since it's about twenty degrees in Bloomington right now, that meant it was only fourty degrees at work - the cafe I work in is just inside the glass atrium of a very busy building, meaning the outside doors are constantly opening and closing, which makes it freezing. It was so cold that I had to wear my coat and gloves just to comfortably stand at the cash register. Not only was I exhausted and freezing, but people were being incredibly rude and I'm stressed over a project I've been forced to complete last minute that happens to be worth 20% of my grade in a class I really need to get an A in. So, my day is not going well. I skipped my workout yesterday because I was on campus, and when I sat down here before class I had decided that I was going to go home, take a nap, give up on eating healthfully, and then work on my project until my eyes began to bleed. And then, because I carry my netbook with me everywhere, I checked the blogs I like to read and saw this message from Jack to one of his Bodfather subjects:
"And I'll go ahead and say this right to your face: get your priorities straight! A career is important, to be sure, but don't relegate taking care of yourself down the list. Yesterday I was working on a project with an afternoon deadline that I was woefully behind on. My first impulse was to skip my noontime workout and knock the project out, but at the last minute I said "F that" and went and did my thang, trusting that I work even better under pressure (well, maybe not "better" but definitely "faster"). It all worked out in the end AND I got my workout in. I know that law can be an intense profession, but you're not gonna be in any shape to enjoy those big bucks you're pulling in unless you make some big-time changes in your life. "
Now I'm obviously not a lawyer, but I saw something for me in this post too. Even though my life is hectic this week, it's still important to be committed to my goals and my workout schedule. Those things are just as, if not more, important than my school projects.
So even though all I want to do is go home and take a nap, I'm gonna go home and change and then go workout. And then work on my project. And maybe if my project goes well, I'll take a nap anyway.
A happy Tuesday to everyone. Stay warm. : )
Monday, December 6, 2010
BRAAAAAAINS.
Do I have your attention? Good. : ) Forgive me, because this is gonna be long.
I would like you all to know that I am finally beginning to fulfill the goal I set when I started this blog almost a year ago. I wanted to lose fifty pounds in a year, but I didn't - I lost, I gained, I lost, I gained, and I gained some more. I'm realizing now that I had the wrong goal. Although I jabbered on alot in some early posts about my health being the reason I wanted to lose weight, I'm not sure that it ever really was. Really, I just wanted to be thin. When I thought about how I would have changed after achieving my "goal", all I saw was a skinnier version of myself. In my visions for the future, I didn't focus on how the inside of that skinny body might be healthier, how the mind attached to that body might be happier and less troubled. I just thought "Thin, thin, thin, I want to be thin".
Over this past year, I stumbled trying to achieve my ultimate vision of Thinness. The 15 of you who read this have probably noticed my inability to commit to any decision ("I'm gonna track all week", "I'm gonna work out five days a week", "I'm gonna focus on eating well", etc) and my general lack of focus and willpower. I never lost the weight I wanted to, even when I was on a roll. Now that I can reflect on the year, I see the reason why: it's been a bit of a rollercoaster, and not just in terms of my weight. I had a terrible, stressful, infuriating spring semester that led into a summer spending 8 hours a day bored out of my mind and surrounded by food. I moved in with my boyfriend, a huge transition from living with roommates. I began my senior year of college, began planning for the next few years of my life. I had to decide if moving back home, breaking up with said boyfriend, and separating myself from my friends was worth being able to find a job and save money for my move to the UK for grad school. I've also gone through some internal turmoil, trying to find the right path for my life to move down, trying to understand the emotional issues behind my eating problems, learning to love myself and create a new identity as a strong, balanced, and independent woman. I've spent the year trying to allow the person that I know I could be, that I know I really am, to come alive and flourish. And in the process of handling these quiet changes that perhaps nobody else observed, I've realized that weight loss really needs to generate from a different headspace than "Thin, thin, thin, I want to be thin".
I have recently recommitted myself to losing weight, but not just for the sake of being thin. For anyone who thinks this is me once again saying "I'm going to do X! I'm motivated, I'm ready!" only to just give it up a couple weeks in, let me tell you what I've learned this year. I've learned that we can only achieve significant weight loss if our goals have nothing to do with losing weight. Extra weight is a symptom of a larger problem that needs to be addressed. The process of losing our extra weight is not only a process of learning to eat less and move more, it is also a process of self-realization, self-acceptance, and self-love.
Many of us feel that our extra weight is due to causes beyond our control, but we must realize that we have the power to change our lives. Food does not have power over us. Laziness and apathy do not have power over us. There is nothing that has power over our actions more than we do. Successful weight loss begins when we embrace how powerful we can be and make honest, concentrated efforts to change ourselves (however, this means we must also embrace the fact that when we fail to achieve our goals, there is nobody else to blame but ourselves). Successful weight loss also begins when we realize the true impact of our extra weight on our health. A week ago I started eating healthfully when I realized that the way I had been eating was slowly killing me. Every extra pound I packed on due to cookies, ice cream, and bagels with extra cream cheese was compromising my health. Something in my head clicked when I saw that my eating habits (something that I have the power to change) would prevent me from experiencing the long, rich, and healthy life I want to lead.
Jack's handy Buddhist motto of "Be mindful and don't suffer" has been resonating in my head for the past couple of weeks. Why would we choose to eat in a harmful manner when it limits the scope of our lives? Why would we willingly suffer? Maybe because we haven't yet figured what it is about our lives that is worth changing the way we eat and exercise (and if you still haven't figured out the answer, it's "everything"). Maybe because we haven't yet realized how much we're suffering from eating poorly and not exercising. If you're having trouble losing weight, I really urge you to think about the impact that extra weight has upon your life, and the ways in which it is limiting the only 100 years you get. Just as you would do whatever's best for somebody you love, you need to love yourself and do what's best for you. Be mindful and don't suffer.
Okay, well. Now that that's all out of my system, let me break down the ways in which I'm loving myself and asserting power over my life. Let's start with food.
Here's what I should be eating per day, according to Mayo Clinic:
They recommend I eat 1200 calories daily, but I believe that focusing on calories instead of nutrition is a bit dangerous. Weight Watchers recently revamped their program to recognize that not every calorie is created equal, and I'm taking a leaf out of their book and trying to make sure I eat from every food group and eat a balanced diet, versus trying to achieve a daily calorie goal. I still tally up my calories as best I can to ensure I'm close to 1200 so that I do lose the dangerous weight around my core, but it's not my focus. My focus is being healthy.
Also, see where at the bottom in orange it says "Print your complete pyramid plan, including a full serving size list"? You should really fill out this pyramid and check out that food serving list. I have it saved to my computer for easy reference, and I've found it to be incredibly helpful with making sure that I'm eating proper portions so that I can accurately record my servings. You should definitely poke around Mayo Clinic's website, they have great resources for people trying to be more fit and healthy.
Now, this is how I'm exercising. My pyramid says I should aim for 30-60 minutes of moderate activity daily, so I created an exercise schedule that outlines activity for every day of the week (you might have to click on it to open it in a new window to see all of it).
This schedule is adapted for my class schedule this semester. Once this semester ends in two weeks, I'll have to redo it for next semester but it'll contain the same amount of stuff: 3 days cardio, 3 days yoga, 2 days strength training, unless I have room to add in more cardio.
I've stuck to this schedule this whole past week and I love it - I actually want to do the cardio whereas earlier this year I dreaded it, the strength training makes me feel awesome, and the yoga rounds it all out for a balanced week. I'm still dancing for a couple hours a week on top of this, so I'm working toward becoming a very active woman.
I have to say that eating according to my pyramid and following my exercise schedule has made a huge difference in my energy levels, in my happiness, in my comfort with my body, in my confidence, in my skin, in virtually every area of my life. And to make it even better, I lost three pounds for a current weight of 210. : ) I figured out that if I lose slightly less than two pounds per week, not counting breaks from school, that I'll lose fifty pounds by graduation. Not only can I imagine how awesome I'll look fifty pounds lighter, but it would put me in a great place to begin the next phase of my life. It's my less important goal, though, and I won't be upset if I don't achieve it. What is really my goal is following my pyramid and my exercise schedule and trying to coax out the healthy person inside me.
Once the new year rolls in, I'm probably going to revamp my blog, if not get a new one entirely. Now that I've found my focus and my stride, I really want to contribute to this wonderful community however I can. I'll use my new blog to help keep me in power over my decisions, but I also want to share any information I can find on being healthy and fit with the rest of you. Until then, look forward to me checking in with my pyramid and my exercise next week. I really can't wait to see where this takes me. : )
I would like you all to know that I am finally beginning to fulfill the goal I set when I started this blog almost a year ago. I wanted to lose fifty pounds in a year, but I didn't - I lost, I gained, I lost, I gained, and I gained some more. I'm realizing now that I had the wrong goal. Although I jabbered on alot in some early posts about my health being the reason I wanted to lose weight, I'm not sure that it ever really was. Really, I just wanted to be thin. When I thought about how I would have changed after achieving my "goal", all I saw was a skinnier version of myself. In my visions for the future, I didn't focus on how the inside of that skinny body might be healthier, how the mind attached to that body might be happier and less troubled. I just thought "Thin, thin, thin, I want to be thin".
Over this past year, I stumbled trying to achieve my ultimate vision of Thinness. The 15 of you who read this have probably noticed my inability to commit to any decision ("I'm gonna track all week", "I'm gonna work out five days a week", "I'm gonna focus on eating well", etc) and my general lack of focus and willpower. I never lost the weight I wanted to, even when I was on a roll. Now that I can reflect on the year, I see the reason why: it's been a bit of a rollercoaster, and not just in terms of my weight. I had a terrible, stressful, infuriating spring semester that led into a summer spending 8 hours a day bored out of my mind and surrounded by food. I moved in with my boyfriend, a huge transition from living with roommates. I began my senior year of college, began planning for the next few years of my life. I had to decide if moving back home, breaking up with said boyfriend, and separating myself from my friends was worth being able to find a job and save money for my move to the UK for grad school. I've also gone through some internal turmoil, trying to find the right path for my life to move down, trying to understand the emotional issues behind my eating problems, learning to love myself and create a new identity as a strong, balanced, and independent woman. I've spent the year trying to allow the person that I know I could be, that I know I really am, to come alive and flourish. And in the process of handling these quiet changes that perhaps nobody else observed, I've realized that weight loss really needs to generate from a different headspace than "Thin, thin, thin, I want to be thin".
I have recently recommitted myself to losing weight, but not just for the sake of being thin. For anyone who thinks this is me once again saying "I'm going to do X! I'm motivated, I'm ready!" only to just give it up a couple weeks in, let me tell you what I've learned this year. I've learned that we can only achieve significant weight loss if our goals have nothing to do with losing weight. Extra weight is a symptom of a larger problem that needs to be addressed. The process of losing our extra weight is not only a process of learning to eat less and move more, it is also a process of self-realization, self-acceptance, and self-love.
Many of us feel that our extra weight is due to causes beyond our control, but we must realize that we have the power to change our lives. Food does not have power over us. Laziness and apathy do not have power over us. There is nothing that has power over our actions more than we do. Successful weight loss begins when we embrace how powerful we can be and make honest, concentrated efforts to change ourselves (however, this means we must also embrace the fact that when we fail to achieve our goals, there is nobody else to blame but ourselves). Successful weight loss also begins when we realize the true impact of our extra weight on our health. A week ago I started eating healthfully when I realized that the way I had been eating was slowly killing me. Every extra pound I packed on due to cookies, ice cream, and bagels with extra cream cheese was compromising my health. Something in my head clicked when I saw that my eating habits (something that I have the power to change) would prevent me from experiencing the long, rich, and healthy life I want to lead.
Jack's handy Buddhist motto of "Be mindful and don't suffer" has been resonating in my head for the past couple of weeks. Why would we choose to eat in a harmful manner when it limits the scope of our lives? Why would we willingly suffer? Maybe because we haven't yet figured what it is about our lives that is worth changing the way we eat and exercise (and if you still haven't figured out the answer, it's "everything"). Maybe because we haven't yet realized how much we're suffering from eating poorly and not exercising. If you're having trouble losing weight, I really urge you to think about the impact that extra weight has upon your life, and the ways in which it is limiting the only 100 years you get. Just as you would do whatever's best for somebody you love, you need to love yourself and do what's best for you. Be mindful and don't suffer.
Okay, well. Now that that's all out of my system, let me break down the ways in which I'm loving myself and asserting power over my life. Let's start with food.
Here's what I should be eating per day, according to Mayo Clinic:
Also, see where at the bottom in orange it says "Print your complete pyramid plan, including a full serving size list"? You should really fill out this pyramid and check out that food serving list. I have it saved to my computer for easy reference, and I've found it to be incredibly helpful with making sure that I'm eating proper portions so that I can accurately record my servings. You should definitely poke around Mayo Clinic's website, they have great resources for people trying to be more fit and healthy.
Now, this is how I'm exercising. My pyramid says I should aim for 30-60 minutes of moderate activity daily, so I created an exercise schedule that outlines activity for every day of the week (you might have to click on it to open it in a new window to see all of it).
This schedule is adapted for my class schedule this semester. Once this semester ends in two weeks, I'll have to redo it for next semester but it'll contain the same amount of stuff: 3 days cardio, 3 days yoga, 2 days strength training, unless I have room to add in more cardio.
I've stuck to this schedule this whole past week and I love it - I actually want to do the cardio whereas earlier this year I dreaded it, the strength training makes me feel awesome, and the yoga rounds it all out for a balanced week. I'm still dancing for a couple hours a week on top of this, so I'm working toward becoming a very active woman.
I have to say that eating according to my pyramid and following my exercise schedule has made a huge difference in my energy levels, in my happiness, in my comfort with my body, in my confidence, in my skin, in virtually every area of my life. And to make it even better, I lost three pounds for a current weight of 210. : ) I figured out that if I lose slightly less than two pounds per week, not counting breaks from school, that I'll lose fifty pounds by graduation. Not only can I imagine how awesome I'll look fifty pounds lighter, but it would put me in a great place to begin the next phase of my life. It's my less important goal, though, and I won't be upset if I don't achieve it. What is really my goal is following my pyramid and my exercise schedule and trying to coax out the healthy person inside me.
Once the new year rolls in, I'm probably going to revamp my blog, if not get a new one entirely. Now that I've found my focus and my stride, I really want to contribute to this wonderful community however I can. I'll use my new blog to help keep me in power over my decisions, but I also want to share any information I can find on being healthy and fit with the rest of you. Until then, look forward to me checking in with my pyramid and my exercise next week. I really can't wait to see where this takes me. : )
Monday, November 22, 2010
Fancy
So I'm kind of starting at the beginning with this weight loss thing. I realized that in January I'll go to the doctor for my annual appointment and she'll weigh me, and as it is right now I'll have gained nearly ten pounds this year while I was apparently trying to lose fifty. I'm not really sure what happened along the way, but I think it was likely in the planning stages. So I'm going to try again in the hopes I can at least break even with last year's weight by my birthday in early January. I'm doing all the research again - what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat, how to exercise, when to exercise, etc. I'm gathering up all the knowledge I can so when I do this again I do it right and for good. I want to be a strong, confident, healthy woman and I have the power to make that happen, with the right choices.
Here's a neat little tool I've found helpful that gives you a personal food pyramid:
Mayo Clinic Food Pyramid
I think sometimes we get so hung up on seeing what the "experts" say about which foods we should eat and how we should structure our weight loss plans. I think it's important to first consult sources of information on our health and base our plans upon becoming healthier all around, versus just thinner or some vague idea of "active".
Here's a neat little tool I've found helpful that gives you a personal food pyramid:
Mayo Clinic Food Pyramid
I think sometimes we get so hung up on seeing what the "experts" say about which foods we should eat and how we should structure our weight loss plans. I think it's important to first consult sources of information on our health and base our plans upon becoming healthier all around, versus just thinner or some vague idea of "active".
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
A Wasted Month
I wasted the past month on the couch, constantly eating, and making feeble attempts at working out. But I'm slowly getting my head into the right place to attack this problem again. I've had to make some decisions lately about where my life is going next year, and I have a plan. Even though I'll be spending a year at home, something I thought I would hate to do, I'm accepting it as an opportunity to become a healthier me, and not just physically. I expect I'll be growing more as an adult until I leave for grad school, and I'd like to get myself financially figured out. I'll be making my health a top priority, since I will have a year without school to give me time to focus.
Later today, I'm going to sit down and create a new fitness plan that I'll be starting on after Thanksgiving. This plan is going to help me figure out what works for me in terms of becoming healthy and fit, and I'm leaving plenty of room for mistakes. I'm starting now in the hopes that I will give myself some time to stumble around and find my favorite activities, foods, etc. The goal here isn't necessarily weight loss, but to find that fit, healthy, happy person buried inside me. However, I do expect to lose weight, and I'm going to report weigh-ins again to make sure I'm losing. I'm not setting a pounds lost per week goal as I need a little flexibility in my continuing education about how to live a healthy lifestyle. Once I've graduated and moved back home, I hope to be the master of how to be healthy, haha. Then I will tweak my fitness plan to adjust to what I've learned since Thanksgiving and will kick ass for the next year. Then I plan on finding ways to adjust my new healthy lifestyle to the stresses of being in grad school and in a different country. I'm looking long-term now, instead of short term. Although once I have my fitness plan set out, I will likely intersperse some short-term goals as well.
For now, here's some pages I'm finding helpful right now, and that you might as well:
Target Heart Rate Calculator (to help create a beneficial fitness plan)
5 Elements of a Rounded Fitness Routine (to make sure we're getting all the benefits we can)
7 Benefits of Regular Activity (for when we're down about weight loss, we can remind ourselves of what other good we're doing to our bodies)
4 Low-Cost Ways to Shape Up (because the economy still sucks)
Until next time,
Erika
Later today, I'm going to sit down and create a new fitness plan that I'll be starting on after Thanksgiving. This plan is going to help me figure out what works for me in terms of becoming healthy and fit, and I'm leaving plenty of room for mistakes. I'm starting now in the hopes that I will give myself some time to stumble around and find my favorite activities, foods, etc. The goal here isn't necessarily weight loss, but to find that fit, healthy, happy person buried inside me. However, I do expect to lose weight, and I'm going to report weigh-ins again to make sure I'm losing. I'm not setting a pounds lost per week goal as I need a little flexibility in my continuing education about how to live a healthy lifestyle. Once I've graduated and moved back home, I hope to be the master of how to be healthy, haha. Then I will tweak my fitness plan to adjust to what I've learned since Thanksgiving and will kick ass for the next year. Then I plan on finding ways to adjust my new healthy lifestyle to the stresses of being in grad school and in a different country. I'm looking long-term now, instead of short term. Although once I have my fitness plan set out, I will likely intersperse some short-term goals as well.
For now, here's some pages I'm finding helpful right now, and that you might as well:
Target Heart Rate Calculator (to help create a beneficial fitness plan)
5 Elements of a Rounded Fitness Routine (to make sure we're getting all the benefits we can)
7 Benefits of Regular Activity (for when we're down about weight loss, we can remind ourselves of what other good we're doing to our bodies)
4 Low-Cost Ways to Shape Up (because the economy still sucks)
Until next time,
Erika
Monday, October 18, 2010
What's out there?
I'm tired of people asking me what I want to do with my life. Here's the answer.
At the age of twenty-one, I have acquired enough familiarity with the “big picture” to understand that in my senior year of college I am standing in a unique position. Here I am, a new and freshly molded mind about to be thrown out into the “real world” of work and loan payments, like a toddler stripped of her water wings and tossed into a pool. I understand that my next movements and actions, whether I panic and splutter or float on top of the roiling water, will define my adulthood. Am I ready? Have I learned enough? What will I do? People who love me stand close, holding their breath, waiting to see if I need rescuing.
Well, grandparents and loved ones, you can feel comfortable backing away now. I have listened to Socrates' advice and have examined my life. I was born into this strange world a fat little baby with huge blue eyes and white-blond hair (actually, a little angelic if I do say so myself). Looking at pictures of my baby self, I see my big, new eyes opening wide to drink up the world around me, trying to see and learn and know everything and meet everyone. I grew up, that same curiosity still coursing through my mind, but I grew up caged by circumstance. Gloriously foreign sounds and images filtered in, taunting me, and I have spent much of my life with eye and ear pressed hard against the pinhole of my mid-western, low-income, broken-family existence wondering, what's out there? For a long time, my passion for the world around me was stifled by the weight of knowledge I acquired too soon and too quickly: that people are liars, that promises are more often than not broken, that love is conditional, that when my family falls apart again I am the one that must stand up and try to piece us back together because (as my grandparents are fond of telling me) I am the only one with my head screwed on straight; that the world I had once so desperately wanted to meet is mostly full of anguish, injustice, and hollow dreams for lives that may not, on occasion, be worth living. I housed this sage disappointment in my young soul for years, and it ate away at me until all I could do was try to close my eyes and mind as often as possible to escape for one brief, precious moment. And while I had my eyes closed, my mother got pregnant.
My brother was born when I was sixteen, and he changed my life. He was an adorable, melon-headed, blue-eyed monster. He made me laugh and smile at a time when I found those expressions nearly impossible, but he also meant that while my classmates were kissing each other and going to dances and crashing their parents' cars, I was at home feeding him and playing with him and getting up in the middle of the night to change his diapers because my disabled mother couldn't even pick him up. I was trapped in a terrifying maze of emotions, caught between my brother and my family, my brother and my friends, and my friends and myself. This would continue for the next two years until I was kicked out for refusing to be my brother's mother, but the summer after he was born I had endured all that I could. I broke down violently, and in an effort to get as far away from my life as quickly as possible I signed up for a wilderness trip in Canada that seemed insane – ten days of canoeing through extensive lake and river networks and camping in nearly virgin forests with absolutely zero modern conveniences. We paddled for four or five hours a day, carried our stuff and our canoes through dozens of poorly defined trails, and ate freeze-dried food we had to keep hidden from bears. Our watches were even confiscated. I came home happily sore, sunburned, and alive. Watching the sun dip behind peaceful lakes and miles of teeming forest, trying to count each prick of light in the explosion of stars above my sleeping bag, drinking clean water straight from the lakes, forcefully extending the limits of my physical and emotional strength, and completing what was an equally thrilling and infuriating journey resuscitated my passion for the world beyond my barren Indiana backyard.
Other trips followed rapidly, thanks to the generosity of my family and friends: two weeks in Spain, a week in Puerto Rico, a semester in the UK (including excursions to Wales, Scotland, and Amsterdam), and the beginning of a summer in Mexico. As I traveled, I learned I was not wrong when I felt the world was full of suffering. This life can be cruel and we often damage each other past the point of repair. But I also learned that the world is brimming with stunning, raw beauty and expansive, exhilarating, permeating love, that our small planet is home to abundant opportunities to explore, discover and learn about other cultures, and that we have myriad chances to meet other people and thereby come to know the strange and fantastic world around us.
So now as I look around and see my university peers carefully taking notes on lined paper, precisely laying down their plans for life, and diligently looking forward, I acknowledge that I have a choice. I choose to go a different route. When we are all thrown into the pool of the “real world” to sink or swim, I know I will do just fine. I choose to open my eyes wide, look around me, and go in whatever direction seems like the best way to learn something new or meet someone amazing. I choose to make my life an exploration and an adventure. I choose to throw away limitations, to go, and to see what's really out there.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Stolen meme!
I stole this from Nicole. I just wanted to do it because I'm in class, and I'm bored, and it's kind of cute. A few of these don't apply to my boyfriend and I, though. I don't have any pictures of us on this computer either. But here we go!
1. When is your "engagement" anniversary?
We aren't engaged.
2. When is your "marriage" anniversary?
We aren't married either, haha.
3. How long have you known your spouse?
Well he's not my spouse, but about four years.
4. How long did you date before you were engaged?
Again, we aren't engaged, but we've been together 3.5 years :)
5. Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?
Psychology class, first semester of my senior year of high school.
6. What is your spouses full name?
Andrew Blah Blah
7. Do you have any children?
No. Never. Ew, babies.
8. How many? Boys/Girls
None! Ever!
9. Do you have any house pets?
I used to have a cat named Patrick, but now he lives with Andrew's parents.
Pet deposits are expensive. :(
10. Do you own a house or rent?
We rent an apartment together.
11. Do you live in the country/town/city?
We live in a college town. So, a small city.
12. What is one of your favorite activities to do together?
Watching the TV show Firefly. Or cooking.
I like it when we cook together, anyway. : )
13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot?
I think I'd have to say Puerto Rico. ;)
14. When did you first kiss?
March 25th, the night we got together. It was midnight,
so he let me pick what day I wanted our relationship to start on.
15. What church do you attend?
We're atheists.
16. Is this the church you were married in?
N/A!
17. What town is current address at?
The biggest college town in Indiana.
18. Do you work or stay home?
We both work. I make sandwiches, and he runs subjects in a psychology lab.
Guess who gets the better pay.
19. Where did you go on your honeymoon?
We're not married, but if we were to take a trip together
it would be to Amsterdam.
20. What was the funniest gift one of you gave while dating?
He bought me a power toothbrush once for my birthday,
cause I think they're supercool.
21. How long have you been together?
3.5 years and looking forward to more. : )
22. How long did you know each other before you started dating?
About a semester and a half.
23. Who asked who out?
So here's the story. He would often come over to my house after school to
hang out and watch Firefly. I drove him home one night and mentioned that
my best friend at the time had asked if we were dating. I said, "I don't think we are. Are we?" He said, "No, we aren't. Do you want to?" I said yes, and here we
are 3.5 years later. : )
24. How old are each of you?
I'm 21 and he's 20.
25. Where do each of you go to school?
We both go to Indiana University.
26. Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?
Right now, my impending move to England for grad school. :/
27. Did you go to the same school?
We went to the same high school. I went to a different university
my first year and a half, but now we're at the same place.
28. Are you from the same town?
Yes and no. We grew up in the same town, but right before we met
I moved to the next town over, but stayed in the same school.
29. Who is smarter?
I think it depends on the day and activity, hahah.
30. Who is more sensitive?
Neither of us are very "sensitive", I don't think. We're both pretty
rational people.
31. Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Probably this Greek restaurant called Trojan Horse.
They have baklava ice cream. Why would we eat
anywhere else? Hahah
32. Where is the farthest you two have traveled as a couple?
Puerto Rico.
33. Who has the craziest exes?
Neither of us have exes.
34. Who has the worse temper?
Depends. Andrew can get really angry about little things
and then get over it pretty easily,
but when things escalate to the point where I get angry,
it's likely to boil up for days.
35. Who does the cooking?
Mostly me, but I make him chop things. :)
36. Who is more social?
Definitely Andrew in unfamiliar situations (I'm a classic introvert),
but I'm very social around friends we know well.
37. Who is the neat-freak?
Andrew is, and always will be. He's been
glaring at my huge laundry pile for weeks now, haha.
38. Who is more stubborn?
That would have to be me. He's
alot more flexible than I am.
39. Who hogs the bed?
Me. Oops.
40. Who wakes up earlier?
Usually me, because I often have to be at work by 7am.
41. Where was your first date?
We never had a "first date", although I remember
the first time we hung out that I really wanted
to hold his hand - we were watching movies in
his bedroom. Driving home that night I slid on ice
and ended up in someone's front yard.
42. Who had more boyfriends/girlfriends?
Neither. We're each other's firsts. : )
43. Do you get flowers often?
I'm really not a flowers kind of girl.
Books or free dinner, however...
44. How do you spend the holidays?
Driving back and forth between our towns and families.
45. Who is more jealous?
He's more overtly jealous. I keep my jealousy well-hidden, usually.
But we're really not jealous people.
46. How long did it take to get serious?
He first told me he loved me two weeks after
we got together. I guess he knew a good
thing when he saw it. : )
47. Who eats more?
Hahaha, this is a tie, for sure.
48. Who does the laundry?
Me, because he does the dishes after I messily make dinner.
49. Who is better with the computer?
He is. If I didn't have him, my computer
would never run properly.
50. Leave a piece of advice for other couples.
Talk honestly and openly just as much about things
that bother you as things you like. Communication
really is key.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
coughcoughcough
As expected, my cold turned into a full-blown illness. I don't get sick very often, but when I do it really kicks my ass. I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis now, so I'm going to go to the doctor tomorrow and see what he can do about it. Although I sound like death, I am actually feeling better than I was earlier this week. I was out of work and class this past Tuesday and Wednesday, and today is really the first day I've felt well enough to get up, move around, and accomplish things.
As far as eating goes, I haven't been doing very much of it this past week, which is probably why I lost 1.5 pounds and currently weigh 211. Although I expect an upswing in my appetite as I start to feel better, I am concentrating on a preemptive strike, if you will. Although I did not journal my food servings last week because I was sick, I would like to give that another shot this week. I went grocery shopping today, and did not let myself buy anything I knew I would eat excessive amounts of (like ice cream). Although the reason for my weight loss this week wasn't hard work, that doesn't make the changes I'm already feeling in my body any less motivating. I can already feel my hips thinning again and I've been imagining what I'll look like after I lose even five more pounds. Although losing weight is a priority for me, I feel like it's wrapped up in a complicated emotional web that I need to untangle. I've been thinking about seeing a psychologist (students get two free visits a year at our campus health center) for some lingering issues, and I think my mental health should really be the top priority here. And I find that if I incorporate health changes slowly, they're easier to stick to. I'm not making plans or schedules or timetables for my weight loss anymore. I want to let it happen naturally while I'm enjoying my life, and because embarking on a healthier lifestyle will improve my life, my efforts to be healthier are really making me happy now instead of dragging me down with worry and self-doubt about whether or not I'll ever lose X amount of pounds.
All that being said, I'm planning on going to Zumba again tomorrow night. I'm also hoping that another girl in my dance class and I can do a duet at this fall's recital (sorry if I mentioned that before...), so in addition to my normal dance classes I will probably be doing extra practices. I would love to bring yoga back into my life again, and I think I might try doing twenty minutes of yoga on the mornings I don't have to work this week.
Of course, this all depends on whether or not my cough starts going away and I really get to feeling better again, but I'm optimistic. And if it doesn't happen this week, that's okay - as long as I gave it some amount of effort, I know it's okay to let my goals slide to next week. It's a life change, not a race. I always hated races anyway.
As far as eating goes, I haven't been doing very much of it this past week, which is probably why I lost 1.5 pounds and currently weigh 211. Although I expect an upswing in my appetite as I start to feel better, I am concentrating on a preemptive strike, if you will. Although I did not journal my food servings last week because I was sick, I would like to give that another shot this week. I went grocery shopping today, and did not let myself buy anything I knew I would eat excessive amounts of (like ice cream). Although the reason for my weight loss this week wasn't hard work, that doesn't make the changes I'm already feeling in my body any less motivating. I can already feel my hips thinning again and I've been imagining what I'll look like after I lose even five more pounds. Although losing weight is a priority for me, I feel like it's wrapped up in a complicated emotional web that I need to untangle. I've been thinking about seeing a psychologist (students get two free visits a year at our campus health center) for some lingering issues, and I think my mental health should really be the top priority here. And I find that if I incorporate health changes slowly, they're easier to stick to. I'm not making plans or schedules or timetables for my weight loss anymore. I want to let it happen naturally while I'm enjoying my life, and because embarking on a healthier lifestyle will improve my life, my efforts to be healthier are really making me happy now instead of dragging me down with worry and self-doubt about whether or not I'll ever lose X amount of pounds.
All that being said, I'm planning on going to Zumba again tomorrow night. I'm also hoping that another girl in my dance class and I can do a duet at this fall's recital (sorry if I mentioned that before...), so in addition to my normal dance classes I will probably be doing extra practices. I would love to bring yoga back into my life again, and I think I might try doing twenty minutes of yoga on the mornings I don't have to work this week.
Of course, this all depends on whether or not my cough starts going away and I really get to feeling better again, but I'm optimistic. And if it doesn't happen this week, that's okay - as long as I gave it some amount of effort, I know it's okay to let my goals slide to next week. It's a life change, not a race. I always hated races anyway.
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