There's been a lot of serious questions posed in the blogosphere the past couple of weeks. Questions about why this time the weight will stay off, about how badly we want to lose weight, about motivation, etc. Some of Jack's questions really stuck with me, so I thought shit, why not answer them?
Why do you suppose you let your life be less than you imagined it to be?
I don't really believe my life is less anything even though I'm overweight. Yeah, I've got some fat hanging around, but it isn't anything that keeps me from doing the things I love to do. It's not like I sit around and imagine myself walking around town, fifty pounds thinner and looking like a model, or that I believe happiness lies within this image. I'm young. I don't have a lot of past to regret, and I don't have any past that I ignore because I was fat. Life is what you make it, and every day I make mine awesome by doing well in school, learning about things I find interesting, hanging around cool people, and teaching myself to be more trusting and more loving in order to overcome the things in my past that have affected me.
Why do you stumble so often despite all your good intentions?
This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. So if I make goals and don't meet them, there are only two possible reasons. Either A) My goals were unattainable or unrealistic, or B) I didn't really want to meet those goals anyway. Here's some recent goals I've been evaluating:
- Do I want to lose 50 pounds? Yes. Absolutely.
- Do I want to go to the gym five days a week? Hell no. There are plenty of other things I'd rather be doing than working out - hence why I never make it five days a week. I say it's a goal because I should do it, but it's not something I want to do.
- Do I want to burn 1,750 calories per week through exercise? Yes. I've done the math, and I know that when my eating slides, that activity will help me lose that fifty pounds. I can spread these calories out however I like them, adjusting my activity for what I feel like doing that day. I feel a lot more comfortable with this goal than the previous one because it's specific while still flexible.
- Do I want to eat out less than twice a week? Nope. I love going out to eat. The city where I'm living has so many great restaurants, I want to try them all. And not just tasty places like Olive Garden - we have an entire street lined with ethnic restaurants. Thai, Indian, Moroccan, Vietnamese, Japanese, French, Mexican, one of the best pizza places in the country...the options are limitless and I love trying new things.
- Do I want to eat only 1300 calories a day? ...Meh. I don't really want to limit myself sometimes, but then other times I do. I feel better when I eat less and eat healthy stuff. But I can't deny my love of cookies.
Because I am. Duh.
But no, really. This time I want it, and I'm taking it slow. It's weight loss that's manageable, and most importantly, maintainable...if that's a word. Everybody has their own pace. Some people really can lose five pounds in a week. I could bust my ass in the gym every single day and that would never happen for me. I know I lose weight slowly, and in the past I never noticed a weight gain because I gain weight slowly too. I'm tired of comparing myself to other people, and recently to other bloggers. Most of the blogs I follow are by people who have lost 20, 30, 60 pounds. I crave that success, but it's going to take me a long time. I'm not going to judge myself for being slow about it - at least I'm doing it. I hope you don't judge me either. And if I'm too slow for you, then...tough shit!
Why are you here anyway?
In the past, my efforts have always stayed in my own head. I didn't tell people I was working out or eating right because I was afraid of what they'd say if I failed. But making it public, more or less, this time around, it's helping me be accountable and reading all your stories keeps me motivated and inspired when I really need to be. I've realized that there really isn't a "fail" option here, besides not trying at all. We are all works in progress.
Whether I lose 50 pounds by Christmas or fall short, it's all okay. I'm still changing my habits. I'm still changing my life.
Well. Gotta go to class so I can live my awesome life. Much love. : )
Well, I can say that I have seen you become more trusting and loving since I've met you. I remember back then. You were on guard. Still are to a point. But I have also noticed that every time I see you, I learn something new about you whether it be something from your past, a new restaurant that you and Andrew like, a new goal in your life, etc. You are never dull or boring. I find you to be interesting and quite frankly, living a life that I had wished I had back when I was your age. You have more guts and balls than I did back then, and that, I admire. I'm happy my son has a woman like you in his life, and also in our family. Keep plugging along on your weight loss getting healthier goals, I have every reason to believe you will obtain them.
ReplyDelete